E94: Belonging and Healing [Part 5] – Ubuntu

Dr. Dave:

Hello, and welcome to the KnolShare with Dr. Dave podcast. This is Dr. Dave Cornelius, your host. And my conversation today is with Nobantu Mpotulo from Ubuntu Coaching. And our conversation will cover the practice of ubuntu and see how that could play a really important role in belonging and healing in organizations and community. So Nobantu, why don't you share a little bit about who you are with our audience? And hopefully I'm saying your name correctly.

Nobantu:

Nobantu, yes.

Dr. Dave:

Nobantu, yes.

Nobantu:

Thank you very much. Yes. A very important name for me indeed. And Bantu in my language, which is Xhosa, means people. So Nobantu means mother of the people. And I find that in our culture we name our children with the hope that the name would be fulfilled. And I found that I followed the helping professions, starting off as a psychologist, and I worked at institutions of higher learning as a student counselor and also counseling staff. And from there, I branched into coaching executives in organizations, and also, I'm a facilitator of peace circles, and ubuntu plays a very critical role and central role in my work.

Dr. Dave:

That's so great. So you are an accredited master certified coach at MCC from the International Coaching Federation. So how do you define ubuntu?

Nobantu:

Ubuntu is the way of being, way of life that takes into cognizance the importance of interconnection, the importance of working with others, the importance of seeing the good in others. So if we define ubuntu in my language, it is [foreign language 00:02:57] I am because we are. I cannot be fully myself if you are not fully who you are destined to be. So in essence, what this is saying is that whatever I do I can be more with others involved. And we have a proverb in Africa that says if you want to work fast, go together. Go alone, sorry. If you want to go far, go together. Let me say that again. If you want to go far, go together. If you want to go fast, go alone. So the spirit of ubuntu is a spirit of moving from I-centrism to we-centrism.

Dr. Dave:

So if ubuntu is the spirit of being focused on we, what are the benefits to a person, to an organization if they practice ubuntu?

Nobantu:

If, for instance, we take diversity, inclusion, and belonging, we cannot be an organization that is successful or that is able to get far if, for instance, we focus on the competencies, on the strengths, on the resources of individuals. But if we take all of those collectively and looking at our bigger goal, looking at our global goal objective that we want to reach, then with all those different competencies, different ways of how people are, we able to enrich this objective we want to achieve. And as I'm saying that, I'm thinking of Maya Angelou's saying where she said that if you look at a tapestry on the wall, it's not the individual colors, the individual shapes of that tapestry that make it to be beautiful, but it's all of those combined together. And if you take one of those, then that tapestry becomes something else. So in diversity, in interconnectedness, in inter-beingness, there is more value, there is more beauty, there is more sustainability in what we want to achieve.

Dr. Dave:

So if we are working in a disconnected organization, how would ubuntu help people build bridges?

Nobantu:

I want to answer this with a story because we're storytellers in Africa. There's a tribe in Zambia is the Bemba tribe. And what this tribe does, for instance, if someone is, I would say, menace in the society, they are a troublemaker, instead of casting that person out, what this tribe in the spirit of ubuntu does, they as a community, as the village get together, the young and the old, all generations, they form a circle, they get this person in the middle of the center, and then instead of chastising the person and pointing out the bad deeds, they focus on all good qualities of this person and point out those good qualities, the strengths and how these strengths impact the society and the community positively.

And as they do that, then the person also sees the goodness in themselves that is recognized by the others. And it's amazing how much this has a positive impact. And then after that, there's a celebration. There's a feast to celebrate this person. And this person recognizes that they are valued, they are seen. Because at times people become a bad player in a team, the weak link. Not only because they are a bad person, maybe because there's something they need. And if you look at the nonviolent communication approach, it's exactly that as we notice what doesn't fit the values of the whole. Instead of just casting out the one who is not subscribing to those values, can we in the spirit of ubuntu look at what does this person need? Can we come from a compassionate stance? And it's amazing how much when we do that, the person feels they have been included. And we as the collective continue to do the work in a collective manner.

Dr. Dave:

Very powerful, very powerful with that story. So as we take that story and we start looking at an organization working to experience belonging and healing, how would they benefit from ubuntu?

Nobantu:

It's exactly like... Think about an organization, what kills organization is working in silos. What kill organizations is unhealthy competition. What kills organization is also the form of rewards that we have which are somehow focused on rewarding individuals. So I have to get everyone out of my way to get to the top. So if you're thinking about ubuntu, let's take the reward system. Instead of just focusing on rewarding and recognizing individuals, we can start looking at recognizing and rewarding teams.

And as we do that, we find that much distance could be covered by teams rather than individuals. Because if we focus too much on individuals, then we would find this individual who is so driven who even in the end ends up being burnt out. Because singularly all they're thinking about is that I want to get that award today or this year again and be that best employee of the year. How does it become if we start to look at the best team and to... With ubuntu, if you look at it, it also promotes the collaboration between teams. And as we do that, everyone feels part of the organization, everyone buys into the overall, the global goal, the global destination we going to. And as such, they become part of that.

Dr. Dave:

I could so relate to, in the earlier parts of my career, that desire to go fast, the desire to go alone and climb to the top. So as you were speaking, that really resonates with me personally. So I think of like, what reflection of ourselves would we see when ubuntu is present?

Nobantu:

I'm thinking right now as I'm thinking about this because I'm a visual person. I'm thinking about when there's a race and you look at the athletes, everyone is looking forward. On your marks, get set, go. And I always get amazed at how no one in that line looks back and think about the others who coming, hey. It's like, "All I'm thinking is the finish line, and I want to be number one." And I always wonder, how would it be if as we are about to take this race, on your marks, get set, look back, who can you take along? And how would it be to win together?

And as I am with this, I'm thinking about a story of a researcher who came to Africa, an anthropologist. And this anthropologist saw a group of kids playing in this village that didn't have a lot of resources. And what he did, he had a bag of sweets, and he took this bag and put it under a tree and said to the kids, "Okay, race each other, and whoever gets to the bag of sweets, all those sweets are the winner's sweets." And so the kids ran and the researcher was amazed. The first one who got the bag, instead of taking the spoils for himself, this boy took the sweets and shared the sweets with the others. So what I'm trying to say here, when we practice ubuntu, whether at home in communities, in organizations, we all become winners.

Dr. Dave:

So powerful, so powerful when we all are winners and not just single out one person in an organization or community. So what does it mean when it's said that someone has ubuntu?

Nobantu:

Someone with ubuntu is a person to me who is in touch with his or her heart, someone who recognizes the suffering of the world, the suffering of others, and not just have empathy, but moves to compassion and takes action. And also it's someone on the other side who recognizes the joys and the successes of others and celebrates these successes and joys with the others. So this is a person who sees good in others. And when others are down and out, this is the person who's there to give a helping hand. That's a person with ubuntu. And ubuntu doesn't mean that that person could be a walkover, could be a doormat. For me, real ubuntu comes with courage. If I love you, I see myself in you. I should be able to give you constructive feedback when you are doing injustice to yourself, when you not fully are becoming who you destined to be because of the deeds that you engaged in. So it's both the heart, it's both the backbone and the knowing that all those who came before us, our ancestors, are always there, they always have our back.

Dr. Dave:

Yeah, that's so good. I really enjoyed that, what you just said about that. So when we think of someone, and this is the last question, how can someone elevate their sense of gratitude through the practice of ubuntu?

Nobantu:

I would say ubuntu is about authenticity, it's not a staged act. And I believe that a true sense of gratitude emerges when we do good deeds without expecting reward, when these good deeds come because I want to help. And as such, I do not attach to outcomes about I've helped you then you should be eternally be grateful to me or indebted to me. I'm doing this because I'm seeing myself in you, and as I am doing this to lift another person, I'm lifting myself up. So with that, gratitude becomes organic and the heart expands, the heart opens. And if you think about neuroscience, what research says, a grateful and open and a compassionate heart leads to wellness, especially to mental wellness. So ubuntu should not be performed to receive gratitude from others, but it's kind of, ubuntu and gratitude, it's kind of two wings of the same bird.

Dr. Dave:

So I love the fact that we're talking about an open and compassionate heart leads to wellness. And to me, that is such an important aspect in our lives, of how we could connect with other people. So we could have that sense of gratitude just to know that we know you and you know me and we could know each other based on our relationships. Is there anything finally you would like to share about ubuntu before we close out in our conversation here today?

Nobantu:

I would say it's an encouragement to fellow humans to see what every day deeds they can include in their lives that are geared towards ubuntu, seeing the other. When we greet in isiZulu, we say [foreign language 00:22:24], I see you. As you go about your day, are you able to see others? Are you able to see the cashier at the supermarket? Just saying a kind word goes far. So everyday deeds of ubuntu.

Dr. Dave:

So Nobantu, thank you so much for sharing your wisdom and your time today, for helping us to learn more about ubuntu and how we could put that into practice, especially here, well, and all over the world. I mean, it's something that we need, especially with a lot of the challenges that we have going on in the world.

So I would just like to thank you for giving us your time today.

And so in closing, I'd like to say thank you for listening to the KnolShare with Dr. Dave podcast. Our conversation today was about ubuntu. And practicing ubuntu will allow you to find yourself through relationship with others, to experience belonging and healing.

Belonging is a basic human need, it's an important part of who we are and how we find identity. So I hope this learning experience prompted you to seek to discover more ways to find your level of awesomeness through relationship with others.

I'd like here to say that the KnolShare with Dr. Dave podcast is streamed on Spotify, iTunes, Audible, and Google Play.

And the music for this podcast is done by my niece, Kiana Brown Hendrickson.

This podcast episode is copywritten 2022 by Dr. Dave Cornelius and knolshare.org.

And also, just in finally saying one more time, my expression of gratitude to Nobantu for giving her time today for our discussion. So grateful, so grateful.

Nobantu:

Thank you, Dr. Dave. Thank you.